What is a eulogy?

A eulogy, or funeral speech, is an opportunity to pay tribute to someone who has passed by giving a short speech about their life, celebrating their personality and achievements and what they meant to you. It’s regarded as an honour to be asked to give a eulogy for a loved one or friend and is a sign that you played an important part in that person’s life. The eulogy can also be delivered by your minister or celebrant.

The eulogy at a funeral is a way for someone who knew the person who has passed to sum up their life, remind people who have come to mourn about the character of that person and pay respect to them.

If you’re feeling anxious about the responsibility of getting it ‘right,’ remember that every eulogy is meant to be unique. Although there are guidelines you can follow, writing a eulogy is also about things that come from the heart.

What is the difference between a eulogy and a tribute?

A eulogy is an account of a person’s life story, as stated above, giving an account of their personality and achievements. A tribute is a reflection of your interaction with the person at a specific time or place. A eulogy and tribute are two very different elements.

Why is a eulogy important?

Hearing a eulogy gives people a way of remembering some of the important parts of the person they’ve come to mourn. A well-written eulogy should not only sum up a person’s life, character, and impact but also shed light on less well-known aspects of that person.

Who gives a eulogy at a funeral?

Usually, the one chosen to give a eulogy at a funeral is someone close to the person who has died. Often, children will give a eulogy at their parents’ funerals, and husbands or wives will give a eulogy at their partner’s funerals.

Sometimes, the occasion might be too overwhelming for the person closest to them to perform a eulogy, and they may ask another loved one or the celebrant who will be leading the service to give an eulogy in their place.

How do you write a eulogy?

To write a eulogy, you will need to speak with relatives and loved ones of the person who has died, think about your own experiences with them, and give yourself time to write and edit down your eulogy to the most appropriate parts.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to writing a eulogy. Every person is unique, so every eulogy will be unique as well. You will have to think about the type of person you are eulogising and how best to communicate that to the people who have come to mourn them.

One of the best ways to begin writing a eulogy is to talk to family members and close friends about the person who has passed. Is there anything that they would like you to include or mention, or a favourite anecdote or story they’d like you to share?

What do you say in a eulogy?

To decide what you’re going to say in a eulogy, think of the things you’ve discovered and discussed that best remind you of the person you are eulogising. If you think that a certain story is the most appropriate, as someone close to the person who has passed, you’re probably right. Your own and other people’s memories could not only provide things to talk about but inspire a way of summing up at the beginning and end of the eulogy who they were and what they meant.

What are some examples of things you could say in a eulogy?
Here are some suggestions of things you could say in a eulogy. If you are writing a eulogy, use these examples as a way to get started:

“John was a dedicated family man, who was always there when you needed him.”

“Seeing so many people here to say goodbye to Helen today shows just how loved she was and how much she will be missed.”

“Steve and I have been friends for over 20 years, and I feel so lucky to have known him and shared so many great memories with him.”

When you are reflecting on the times you spent with the person who has passed, think about life moments that reflect their personality and set the scene. It might be how you met, the time you realised you were both in love (or had found a friend for life), or an occasion when they helped you.

Looking through photos can often provide inspiration for thoughts about them and things that happened in their life.

Putting your ideas for a eulogy together
Once you have gathered enough information, you may want to make notes about where each bit will fit in your eulogy so you have a rough beginning, a middle, and an end to work towards. Try these ways of mapping out ideas as you write a eulogy:

Timeline – there are no rules for writing a eulogy, so you don’t have to get everything in order or precisely dated. However, constructing a timeline of the person’s most significant life moments may help you to better decide what to include in your speech.

Keywords – make a list of words to describe the person. Think of as many words as you can, and then highlight which words you think are most fitting. This list can act as a helpful prompt if you become stuck while writing a eulogy.

Expressing what you have to say in a eulogy

A bereaved family usually asks someone to give a eulogy because that person is important to them and to the person who has died. This can matter more than words, but there are a few different ways of adding meaning to a eulogy.

You may want to keep it mostly fact-based, written in chronological order with a small personal note of remembrance at the end.

Alternatively, you could base it on personal anecdotes and stories that capture the personality of your loved one. These might even be more light-hearted anecdotes, which often helps the assembly feel more at ease.

If they were close to the person who has passed and the bereaved family, some people even choose to include jokes in their eulogies, though you should use your judgment as to whether this would be appropriate.

In the end, writing a good eulogy depends on writing from the heart. If you aim to describe what made the person special and important to you, this will show through in your writing.

How long should a eulogy be?

A eulogy should typically be around three to five minutes long and take no longer than ten minutes. A funeral eulogy of between 500 and 1000 written words (three pages of A4 typed text at 14pt) will take from around three and a half to seven and a half minutes to speak.

What are some details to include when you are writing a eulogy?

The final decision of what to include will always come down to you. However, you may wish to include some, if not all, of the following:

When and where they were born

The names of their close family

Nicknames

How they met their spouse or partner

Any military service

Education

Favourite poems, songs or quotes

Acknowledgement of the guests (especially those who have travelled a long distance)

Sporting achievements

Anything they have contributed to the community

Clubs and society memberships